Andy called me last night.
It was just so fun and easy and he makes me laugh. If only he were Australian.
He was talking again about getting married but I don't want to rush things just because we're in different countries. But god it is tempting. My parents would freak though.
We broke up a few months ago because his house wasn't selling and there was no end in sight to the long-distance thing. He accepted a job in Alaska which I thought meant he wasn't committed to coming here but he says he did it because he was being pushed out of his job in Seattle and he still had to make his mortgage repayments.
I promised last night that I would look at ways to get him here though. I still love him because he really is my kindred spirit in so many ways. I don't think it should be so hard to come here but it is. Unless we get married, there are so many restrictions and he doesn't want me to be supporting him until his visa comes through.
The whole thing gives me a headache to be honest.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
The Ex List
This will be my last post for today, I promise. I'm at home by myself and kind of bored.
I figured I'd give a little relationship biography. Maybe it will reveal why I am such a coward.
High school
Chris- The big love. We dated for about two years all up (there was a break in between). But I was in love with him for about three years after that and I never told him. We used to be really close but he now dates someone who doesn't like me ( and I'm not too fond of her) so we don't speak much anymore.
Cody- My brother's best friend. We dated for about six months and then he broke up with me. A few months later he announced he was gay. Not good for a girl's self esteem.
Perrin- I met him during my first year of university. We lost our virginity to each other and dated for about a year (?). I broke up with him for a variety of reasons mainly because I was still in love with my ex, his mother was insane and he could be quite manipulative. To say he took the break-up badly is the understatement of the year- he texted like eleven times a day, kept calling and generally making my life a misery. Eventually, after my dad intervened and we didnt speak much for our final year of uni, we got back to some semblance of being friends. We have slept together a few times since breaking up but it's purely physical. I wouldn't date him again.
Andy- We met during my first year at uni and ended up being flatmates for about five months. He is American and ending up having to go back to the US when his mum fell sick in our first year. About three months after he went back, he told me he was in love with me and that he had tried to tell me when we lived together but didn't want to make it weird. We stayed in touch for three years until I went travelling in the USA late last year. I stayed with him over Christmas and he kissed me when he picked me up from the airport and we ended up falling in love. He came to Australia a few months later and then went back home with the intention of selling his house. Long story short, we did long-distance for about ten months and it killed us. We broke up after he got a job in Alaska (house still not sold) but we still keep in touch. I still have feelings for him and think about him a lot. He still thinks we will get married one day but I don't want to wait around for something which is never going to happen. He rang me on Christmas Day and pointed out 'I've been chasing you for the better part of a decade, do you think I'm going to give up now?'' I could move there but it would be hard to get a job in my profession in Alaska. Deep down, I still kind of think he is the One.
I've dated other people in between but only casually. These guys were relationships.
A lot of people say they can see a pattern with their exes but I don't really. They are all very different people. Although admittedly, they have all pursued me except for Chris. Maybe that's why I am still single, I need to get off my ass and mingle.
I figured I'd give a little relationship biography. Maybe it will reveal why I am such a coward.
High school
Chris- The big love. We dated for about two years all up (there was a break in between). But I was in love with him for about three years after that and I never told him. We used to be really close but he now dates someone who doesn't like me ( and I'm not too fond of her) so we don't speak much anymore.
Cody- My brother's best friend. We dated for about six months and then he broke up with me. A few months later he announced he was gay. Not good for a girl's self esteem.
Perrin- I met him during my first year of university. We lost our virginity to each other and dated for about a year (?). I broke up with him for a variety of reasons mainly because I was still in love with my ex, his mother was insane and he could be quite manipulative. To say he took the break-up badly is the understatement of the year- he texted like eleven times a day, kept calling and generally making my life a misery. Eventually, after my dad intervened and we didnt speak much for our final year of uni, we got back to some semblance of being friends. We have slept together a few times since breaking up but it's purely physical. I wouldn't date him again.
Andy- We met during my first year at uni and ended up being flatmates for about five months. He is American and ending up having to go back to the US when his mum fell sick in our first year. About three months after he went back, he told me he was in love with me and that he had tried to tell me when we lived together but didn't want to make it weird. We stayed in touch for three years until I went travelling in the USA late last year. I stayed with him over Christmas and he kissed me when he picked me up from the airport and we ended up falling in love. He came to Australia a few months later and then went back home with the intention of selling his house. Long story short, we did long-distance for about ten months and it killed us. We broke up after he got a job in Alaska (house still not sold) but we still keep in touch. I still have feelings for him and think about him a lot. He still thinks we will get married one day but I don't want to wait around for something which is never going to happen. He rang me on Christmas Day and pointed out 'I've been chasing you for the better part of a decade, do you think I'm going to give up now?'' I could move there but it would be hard to get a job in my profession in Alaska. Deep down, I still kind of think he is the One.
I've dated other people in between but only casually. These guys were relationships.
A lot of people say they can see a pattern with their exes but I don't really. They are all very different people. Although admittedly, they have all pursued me except for Chris. Maybe that's why I am still single, I need to get off my ass and mingle.
Internet Dating
I'd love to hear from someone out there who has had success with internet dating.
I'm on RSVP and admittedly I'm not the active on it but I haven't really had much luck.
I wrote a quirky, funny sort of profile and I'm wondering if maybe I should have been a bit more straight-up. I seem to attract contact from people who are either a) come across as desperate and over-eager in their profile or b) write very little at all or speak in SMS-speak which are both turn-offs.
I get a lot of people who exclude me because I live about 50 mins away from a capital city, which seems strange thinking to me. You're not prepared to travel less than an hour for love? Yet a lot of people restrict their searches to their postcode, which to me doesn't make any sense. I mean, wouldn't you have already met most of those people at the supermarket or something?
On the rare occasion ( and I mean three or four times), I meet up in person with someone I have met off RSVP, the witty banter and laughs I have shared with that guy don't really seem to translate to real life. Maybe it's too much pressure for a first date, I don't know.
I don't get the stigma attached to online dating, although admittedly I don't really advertise the fact I'm on there. I mean, how is it any more random than meeting someone at a bar? It's just as much of a meat market.
Has anyone out there in the blogosphere met their current partner online? Do you have any tips?
I'm on RSVP and admittedly I'm not the active on it but I haven't really had much luck.
I wrote a quirky, funny sort of profile and I'm wondering if maybe I should have been a bit more straight-up. I seem to attract contact from people who are either a) come across as desperate and over-eager in their profile or b) write very little at all or speak in SMS-speak which are both turn-offs.
I get a lot of people who exclude me because I live about 50 mins away from a capital city, which seems strange thinking to me. You're not prepared to travel less than an hour for love? Yet a lot of people restrict their searches to their postcode, which to me doesn't make any sense. I mean, wouldn't you have already met most of those people at the supermarket or something?
On the rare occasion ( and I mean three or four times), I meet up in person with someone I have met off RSVP, the witty banter and laughs I have shared with that guy don't really seem to translate to real life. Maybe it's too much pressure for a first date, I don't know.
I don't get the stigma attached to online dating, although admittedly I don't really advertise the fact I'm on there. I mean, how is it any more random than meeting someone at a bar? It's just as much of a meat market.
Has anyone out there in the blogosphere met their current partner online? Do you have any tips?
The story of the friend zone.
I don't really know why I'm starting a blog. I mean, I read a lot of them and I write for a living but it just never really occurred to me before.
I guess I figured I didn't really have anything all that interesting to say. Maybe I still don't. But I figured I'd give it a shot. It's also a way for me to write down the stuff I don't really have the courage to say to anyone else.
See, I have always been really really terrible at telling people how I feel or taking any sort of gamble in the love stakes whatsoever. Hence the name of this blog- I wait so long to make a move ( read: never) that I always end up on the friend zone one way or another.
I spent almost three years in love with my best friend and I never breathed a word to him. Thought about telling him a lot, rehearsed what I was going to say, never went through with it. He is in a relationship now and I'm not in love with him anymore but a part of me still hates myself for not telling him. It's unfinished business, you know?
So I guess that's what this blog is going to be about- maybe in a twisted way it will force me to be more courageous in real life. My ex-boyfriend and I were flatmates and the one day he told me he was in love with me. The thought of doing something like that fills me with dread. I mean that takes guts- the kind of guts I would never have! And the stupid part is, I am quite a strong and confident person in every other aspect of my life, particularly professionally. So why do I think the world will end if I tell a guy he is cute?
And God knows, whatever I have been doing so far isn't really working for me. I've had relationships and they've ended and I'm still single and living alone. Even though I know I'm being stupid, sometimes it feels like it is going to be that way forever.
So here's to ending the stupid cowardly lion act. Let's hope I have some luck.
I guess I figured I didn't really have anything all that interesting to say. Maybe I still don't. But I figured I'd give it a shot. It's also a way for me to write down the stuff I don't really have the courage to say to anyone else.
See, I have always been really really terrible at telling people how I feel or taking any sort of gamble in the love stakes whatsoever. Hence the name of this blog- I wait so long to make a move ( read: never) that I always end up on the friend zone one way or another.
I spent almost three years in love with my best friend and I never breathed a word to him. Thought about telling him a lot, rehearsed what I was going to say, never went through with it. He is in a relationship now and I'm not in love with him anymore but a part of me still hates myself for not telling him. It's unfinished business, you know?
So I guess that's what this blog is going to be about- maybe in a twisted way it will force me to be more courageous in real life. My ex-boyfriend and I were flatmates and the one day he told me he was in love with me. The thought of doing something like that fills me with dread. I mean that takes guts- the kind of guts I would never have! And the stupid part is, I am quite a strong and confident person in every other aspect of my life, particularly professionally. So why do I think the world will end if I tell a guy he is cute?
And God knows, whatever I have been doing so far isn't really working for me. I've had relationships and they've ended and I'm still single and living alone. Even though I know I'm being stupid, sometimes it feels like it is going to be that way forever.
So here's to ending the stupid cowardly lion act. Let's hope I have some luck.
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